Polyamory is a practice of having multiple loving relationships at the same time. It is sometimes referred to as non-monogamy, or ethical non-monogamy. All relationships are consensual and each knows about the other. There are no secrets between any of the lovers.

Some polyamorous people will have relationships with separate individuals who do not have relationships with each other. Others might have relationships that cross and have multiple connection points. No matter how the relationships are connected, these are commonly referred to as polycules. Any parties who are not involved with one another, but share common partners with one another, are often called metamours.

Each polycule is different, some form a ‘V’ where one person is involved with two parties who do not have a connection between them (they would be metamours). Some form a Triad where three parties all share themselves with each other. Some form a Quad where 4 parties are involved and in that environment it is possible for all parties to interact, but sometimes they do not.

My first poly relationship began as a ‘V’ and became a Triad, before returning to the V, then a Dyad, a eventually a one on one, with my husband. This established my first Dyad while living as an out Polyamorous man since I first began dating my husband formally.

Examples of Polycules: The Dyad formation in the top left is familiar to most monogamous persons, but a polyamorous person may find themselves living at times, even for long periods, with only one other partner. Both may be Polyamorous, but simply do not have any evolved relationships outside of one another for any number of reasons. Each blue point represents a person, and each line represents a relationship. Those blue points not connected by a line are not in a relationship with each other, these would be called metamours.

As you can see from the diagram, Poly relationships can evolve into any number of polycule forms, and these are only a few examples of the relationship dynamics that can develop. Add more people, the polycule grows. The key to all of it is love and communication without exceptions.

Recent events have reshaped my polycule, at this time I effectively have one established relationship and one comet. And I will be updating my graphic shortly to represent the changes. Please note that my graphic will only represent the polycule from my perspective, and will not include any partners that my husband may or may not have.

My polycule as of 10.14.23.
(This graphic is redacted to protect the privacy of our partners.)

As you can see from the figure here, I am a central hinge in this graphic of my most recent polycule structure. The distance from me indicates how close the relationship is, as a secondary indicator, solid lines indicate established and mutually agreed upon long term connections, while dotted lines are developing relationships. The more space between the dots, the less established the connection at this point.

My partnerships are evolving and so it’s hard to keep up with the changes. My husband and I remain the most stable relationship in my life. Obviously, I married him. Well I wish that other comets and relationships had worked out better, one can never be prepared for everything. Polyamory is as much a journey of self-discovery as it is a journey of discovering new relationships that may not yet be seen or known.

This isn’t meant to be an in depth look at Polyamory or Polycules, it is just to serve as an introduction to a part of my life and who I am. It isn’t the biggest part of me, nor is it the most minor part. It is just a part that may help you to understand me better.

I am at a place in my life right now where I am extremely happy in relationship. My love for my husband is beyond anything I have had for another person ever before. We communicate in a way that is so organic, and yet deliberate. We tell each other everything, we talk about our feelings. We check in with each other regularly.

I have one friendships that has transcended the common and entered into the romantic partnership realm, they might be best described at present as a Comet or Pause & Resume Partner, but things do change and evolve over time. When I get to see any partner outside of my marriage, we can be as loving with one another as my husband and I, but we may not always have the luxury of seeing one another, and sometimes we can go long periods between talking or texting. Ultimately, we know how we feel for each other and it’s beautiful. It’s love, and love is the most precious thing on earth.

If you are interested in learning more about Polyamory and ethically non-monogamous relationships, there are many sites and books about the topic that can help you to understand more. One recommended site that I was pointed to is Poly.Land it’s a blog that talks about many different lifestyles, but has a rather extensive category of Poly 101 content. Just understand that polyamory is in no way a free pass to cheat, lie, or have sex with just anyone you want without consequences. Polyamory is work, it is communicating, and most especially, it is listening. Think that is hard with one person, now try adding more. If you aren’t ready for that, you aren’t ready for polyamory.